Hi, I’m Mandy and I was not prepared for how much I would love my kids or for motherhood to consume me in the way that it did.

I lost myself in it.

I was constantly on and always responding to the needs of my partner and children. I was such a good mum but while pouring myself into everyone else 24/7 I felt completely invisible, unseen, and unrecognized.

I loved my babies so much, they weren’t the problem.

I thought the problem was me, that I just hadn’t learned how to do it all and that this was just something a mother had to go through.

Beneath the surface, I was tired and the resentment was building.

There was…

+ no space for my personal interests
+ no time for reflection
+ no uninterrupted time to talk, think and to process what I was experiencing

I couldn’t keep going like this.

The problem was that I didn’t know what the alternative was and I didn’t know that so many other mums were experiencing the same pressure.

The thought of not doing all the things I was doing for my kids was scary.

It felt like too much of a risk — it felt like I had to choose between being this great mum and being a failure.

My breaking point came when I was rushing getting the kids ready to go out — we were running late.

I had no energy left.

I was cranky and resentful.

I didn’t want to go.

I just wanted a moment alone.

I turned to my husband and the words spilled out of me, “I can’t do this anymore. I don’t want to do any of this anymore. Things have to change, but I don’t know what the alternative is.”

What became clear to me after that moment was:

That I had lost myself
I was living with the belief that I had to do it all, to be the good mother.
My behaviors were leading to resentment toward my husband and my relationship was suffering
I had no time to simply be with myself

I had fully lost myself in what I believed a good mother should look like, and I was suffering for it. And my kids were probably suffering for it too, because they weren’t getting to see all of me.

I didn’t attend the party that day.

I sat and cried.

I cried because…

I felt guilty for not being more grateful.

I cried because I was so tired.

I cried because I felt alienated from my body.

I cried for all the parts of me that I had forgotten to care for.

Not long after this, I began the deep process of unlearning the role of ‘good mother’ — I began to learn about matrescence.

Over time I began to see a fully resourced and authentic mother emerging.

I began to see that in all the university studies I did in psychology and sociology — there was nothing covered about this transition and this experience of becoming a mother.

This transition I experienced, in motherhood, in partnership with my education in psychology, sociology, and feminism plus years of on-the-ground work supporting individuals to navigate change, achieve their goals, and enhance their well-being now serves the women and mothers I have the privilege of supporting.

I’ve spent the last few years running workshops and creating bespoke courses to support women to navigate motherhood and matrescence.

And do you know what?

Every single one of them has told me that they wished they had known about this sooner.

Your patterns in motherhood may not be my patterns.

You may not be facing what I faced.

But you will face your own challenges — and they will stretch you.

Let’s prepare for that.

Some of the challenges my clients come to me with are:

+ feeling overwhelmed — there is so much more to it than they expected, it never stops

+ feeling guilty for the things they haven’t done, for some of the things they have done, for things they’re feeling and for not loving every minute.

+ feeling blessed to have a beautiful baby but struggling to express their feelings because they often contradict each other

+ frustration — feeling invisible and that the work they do is invisible.

+ sad that their relationship has changed and they’re feeling misunderstood and on a completely different page

+ frustrated because everyone has different opinions and expectations of how they should mother.

+ exhausted because everyone wants to know about the baby, visit the baby and offer advice, meanwhile she really needs space to heal, to regroup with her partner, and to bond with her baby

+ unmet expectations of birth, pregnancy and feeding + a sense of losing herself